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Frank Di Vincenzo
11 January
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...and on the seventh day, whilst God did still party it up over his latest creation, he did realize that his masterpiece needed one more item for it to be perfect: an obnoxious, fat cynic with a propensity for pissing off over-sensitive people. And then God stood up wobbily in his drunken stupor and said "Let There Be... *hic* Let There Be... *hic* ...oh f**k it!" and went back to Heaven to sleep it off.

And then on the 1,825,011th day God did lookest through his design notes for Earth and found that he had missed this vital step of creation. And so the Lord cried out "Let There Be Frank!" And there was Frank. And Frank said "It's about damn time." But in reflection, Frank did realize that, were he created in the time of Adam, he surely wouldst not have had access to a bitchin' computer.

And Frank saw that it was good.